Sunday, August 12, 2012

A Letter to Heaven...

My dear, kind friend...

You will never see this letter, still, I have to write what is in my heart and hope that somehow, some way, you will know that your exit from this mortal coil was acknowledged and mourned by so very many who knew and loved you.

Even as I write this I cannot believe it is true. That you are gone... That your presence, so vibrant and alive is no longer with us. I keep hoping that this is all a horrible nightmare from which we will all awaken, shaken but still intact. And yet, I know that it is not a dream. It is a sad and stark reality. A reality where we can only wonder why, yet never know the answer. I wish I could be angry with you. I wish I could lash out and ask you why you would leave with so much of life ahead, with so much left to accomplish, with so many dreams left unfulfilled. But, I cannot be angry because I know that your heart must have been burdened with a sadness I can't even fathom.

If only I had known might I have been able to help in some way? Would it have made a difference if I had called or texted? Would you have answered? I guess I will never know. But, oh, how I long to have tried. How I wish I would have reached out to you again on those final days or that you would have reached out to me or to somebody... I prayed for you... I still pray for you...

I hope that you are now out of pain, sorrow and grief.... I know the load must have been heavy to bear for this to have happened. I know that you were greeted by those you loved who went before. Perhaps your dear Arlene was there to take you in her arms and give you the comfort you so desperately needed. I hope you were then enfolded in the loving arms of our Savior and that you found at last the peace and hope you had so long sought.

I wish that I had told you how you changed my life. Knowing you made me a better person... a braver person... You probably never knew, but you challenged me to begin to break out of my self-imposed solitude... to put myself out there... to be willing to meet new people and take chances on things I might never have before...

Thank you for the influence you had not only in my life but in so many others. Thank you for your care and compassion. Thank you for giving so much of yourself every hour of every day of every year. If only you had known the outpouring of love that would come your way. Perhaps we who loved you should have been better at showing and telling you of the tremendous part you played in each of our lives.

I miss you already my friend...
You will not be forgotten.
Your light will continue to burn in the lives of all those you touched in your far too brief life.

You are loved...


  1. This was beautiful Mindy. Thank you.

  2. Abe - You are welcome. And thank you for the kind words.

    Rachel - You are welcome.

    I had to try to put down on paper what has been rolling through mind since I heard the news.

  3. This is beautiful, Mindy. I have been asking myself some of the same questions all day. So many times in the past few weeks, I thought of calling to see how he was doing. I kept putting off. I thought I could do it later.

    I hope he is finally at peace.

  4. Wonderfully written. I haven't come to a place where I can express myself yet. One day soon...or never. I don't know. But thank you for expressing yourself many of my thoughts.

  5. Karen - I know. I keep wondering why I didn't do something so simple as give him a call. I have to believe that he has found a measure of the peace he so needed.

    John - There is plenty that I haven't yet been able to express, but I had to at least try.

  6. Thank you for's so beautifully written.

  7. You said it perfectly. I know many of us are thinking "if only we'd...". I am wishing I would've contacted him when he popped into my head a few days ago. My heart breaks for the pain he must have been feeling. Man, I miss him already.

  8. I was just thinking, on my drive home, that this can't possibly be real. I kept thinking I would wake up, and find an email from him.
    Thank you for your words, Mindy. I'm grateful for the blessing of knowing Jason, even if it was a brief moment along his journey. Some people leave huge impressions on your heart, Jason did that for so many, and I'll forever treasure his friendship. Grateful to have connected with you as well. Any friend of his is a friend of mine.

  9. Perfect words. Thanks for saying what a lot of us couldn't get the words for. So many have said they were so close to calling him. Who knows if anyone could have reached him in a way he needed. Some demons cant be chased out. I am picturing what you are, him being greeted and embraced by our Savior, Arlene, grandparents, and many others. So many are left hurting and I pray for all of us to be at peace soon.