Saying goodbye...

Saturday I said goodbye to a friend... 

His memorial, planned by some of his dearest friends and family was a beautiful reflection of a life well lived, but far too brief.

I have to admit - it was tough... 

I arrived at the church a bit early, having made sure I left my home a couple of hours away with plenty of time to spare, just in case something unexpected happened on the road.

I walked inside and sat alone on a pew in the chapel and listened as the pianist played quietly in the background.  As I sat reflecting, a few other people started to trickle in to fill the seats as the time for the service drew near.  I recognized some of the faces from stories and pictures Jason shared, both in person and through his blog posts.  Then entered a couple of the people I had met through him on different occasions.  Jason had a way of drawing people together.  I think he really felt the need to make sure people made connections so that no one ever felt alone or left out. It is something that I wish I were better at.

I had the opportunity to sit near one of these new, but already dear friends and her family during the service. I was able to meet four of her children who'd had the opportunity to have Jason, "Mr. Z", as their teacher as well as their friend and were there to honor him. I was again struck by how many lives my friend had influenced.

As the service began I was touched that even the hymns chosen typified the life of my friend...  "Have I Done Any Good?" and "Each Life That Touches Ours For Good" were reminders of the kind of life Jason lived and "If You Could Hie To Kolob" gave great comfort in its assurance that "There is no end to love; There is no end to being; There is no death above."

Funny and poignant memories were shared by three of Jason's dearest friends and powerful testimony of the Atonement and the harmony between Justice, Mercy, and Love in all of our lives was borne.

After the service was over all who wanted to were invited to watch a video highlighting Jason's life and to write down memories of Jason to share with his family. After writing my own memories and placing them in with the growing pile of remembrances, I watched the video.  As I listened to the lyrics I found myself struck by how closely they matched my own feelings. 

(Sorry for the unsteadiness of the video.)

There's no one in town I know

You gave us some place to go.

I never said thank you for that.

I thought I might get one more chance.

What would you think of me now,

so lucky, so strong, so proud?

I never said thank you for that,

now I'll never have a chance.

May angels lead you in.

Hear you me my friends.

On sleepless roads the sleepless go.

May angels lead you in.

Now what would you think of me now,

so lucky, so strong, so proud?

I never said thank you for that,

now I'll never have a chance.

May angels lead you in.

Hear you me my friends.

On sleepless roads the sleepless go.

May angels lead you in.

And if you were with me tonight,

I'd sing to you just one more time.

A song for a heart so big,

God couldn't let it live.

May angels lead you in.

Hear you me my friends.

On sleepless roads the sleepless go.

May angels lead you in.

May angels lead you in.

Hear you me my friends.

On sleepless roads the sleepless go.

May angels lead you in.

May angels lead you in.

(Jimmy Eat World - Hear You Me )

Hopefully our own angel will be saving a spot for us at the end of our journey to "lead us in..."

A few moments later, after we had gathered outside on a field behind the church,
Jason's sister Shawna told us she had decided to continue a tradition that Jason had adopted of honoring those who have left us by sending a message aloft on the wings of a balloon.
I'm sure on Saturday that Heaven was bombarded with all of those messages of love and sorrow.

 

After the heavenward sent messages disappeared from view another touching tribute was given to Jason by several of his former students. Thanks Gerb for putting that together. I know he was smiling as he watched.

(Sadly I didn't capture the entire performance.)

Once again, the lyrics typified the type of friend, teacher, brother, uncle, and son Jason was.

You've been so kind and generous

I don't know how you keep on giving

For your kindness I'm in debt to you

For your selflessness, my admiration

And for everything you've done 

You know I'm bound... 

I'm bound to thank you for it 

You've been so kind and generous

I don't know how you keep on giving

For your kindness I'm in debt to you

And I never could have come this far without you

So for everything you've done 

You know I'm bound... 

I'm bound to thank you for it 

I want to thank you

For so many gifts

You gave with love and tenderness

I want to thank you 

I want to thank you

For your generosity

The love and the honesty

That you gave me 

I want to thank you

Show my gratitude

My love and my respect for you

I want to thank you 

I want to... 

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you

(Natalie Marchant - Kind and Generous)

As the events of the day wound down I noticed that instead of rushing away, people lingered to talk, reminisce, comfort, and support one another. Eventually, however, everyone left to go their own way, leaving a bit of themselves behind, but perhaps also taking a little bit of those with whom they had shared both laughter and tears. I know I did.

Throughout the day, I kept having snippets of a song play through my mind... then I remembered where I had heard the song before... 

Once again a song expressed the feelings that I couldn't say for myself. 

"Saying goodbye, going away, seems like goodbye's such

 a hard thing to say....
Touching a hand, wondering why... It's time for saying goodbye...
Saying goodbye - why is it sad? Makes us remember the good times we've had...
Much more to say - foolish to try... It's time for saying goodbye...
Don't want to leave, but we both know, sometimes it's better to go...
Somehow I know - we'll meet again, not sure quite where and I don't know just when...
You're in my heart... so until then... It's time for saying goodbye...
Somehow I know - we'll meet again, not sure quite where and I don't know just when...
You're in my heart... so until then... wanna smile, wanna cry... saying goodbye...
It's time for saying goodbye..."

I guess it is only fitting that music played such a big part of my memories of Saturday since Jason was always singing, playing, and sharing all sorts of music with anyone he came in contact with. I don't know how many times we would both burst into little snippets of song that seemed to suit a particular situation. Often enough we had people saying, "Enough!!" with a laugh.

I still find myself, weeks later, wanting to call Jason up and tell him something funny or poignant that happened, or to ask his advice, or just to visit... and it hurts once again when I remember that I can't... at least not the way I used to... I'm sure, like others that won't stop me from "talking" with him every now and again. 

So I'll leave with this...

"Somehow I know we'll meet again, not sure quite where and I don't know just when. You're in my heart, so until then - wanna smile, wanna cry - It's time for saying goodbye..."

For now...

'Til we meet again...