Brave...

This post started out several weeks ago as an update on another website. I thought about leaving it at that, but I kept having the feeling that I should share it here as well - in a modified form - though I'm not really sure why.
So, for those few of you who may have read portions of this already, I apologize...

I've been thinking lately of some of the conversations Jason and I had when he would come and visit. More than once he told me how brave he thought I was for moving to and teaching in the town where I live without the benefit of having a huge support base. I always told him that I didn't know how brave I was... but he insisted that it was true - that I was indeed brave. He said that he wasn't sure he could have done it. I had a hard time picturing that because he always seemed so confident and self-assured. And here I was thinking that HE was the brave one moving to Utah the way that he did...and that I wasn't sure I could have done it... lol... In fact, I was pretty positive I couldn't. Come to think of it, though, I'm not sure I ever told him that...
(In many ways, I suppose, this was just another illustration of the fact that there are so many things that we do not and cannot know about what goes on in the hearts and minds of others. And because we are finite creatures with limited knowledge it is not our job to judge - for good or bad. We cannot know all of their triumphs, strengths, trials, weaknesses, and worries. It IS our job to uplift and support one another along the way...)

I can tell you this now - though I may not always feel brave - his words to me made me WANT to be brave...

They made me want to try a few new things, to put myself out there more and to try to make new connections with others - which is difficult for me.  I seem to lack that skill that Jason seemed to have down to a fine art. (I know he probably made it look easier than it was - even for him. That was another thing he was good at - making difficult things look simple. He never let on when things were hard for him, though I wish now that he would have been able to do that more.) Written words seem to come easier for me than spoken ones sometimes... perhaps the fear of rejection is less...  but through Jason's friendship, and that of other good and dear friends - (Thank you, John and Allisha) - I am trying to get over my reticence and in the trying have met some very wonderful new people who accepted me as I was shyness, quirkiness, and all - just like Jason did... (Thank you, Gerb, Rachel, and Shawna.) I don't honestly think he had any clue how much he influenced me - and others - in that way. It feels good to have people accept you where you are at while encouraging you to live up to your potential.

I have to admit that my bravery and confidence have taken a little blow in the past while, but as time goes on I am confident it will return little by little as I push past my doubts and fears. I am determined to keep meeting new people, making new friends, and trying new things...

So, thanks for having confidence in me, my friend, for helping me try to find the courage to attempt to be "Fearless"...

and to try and "Touch the Sky"...

And, lest anyone fear that I have set my friend upon too high of a pedestal, rest assured that I understand that he - like the rest of us - was not perfect. He had his struggles and weaknesses, as well as his triumphs and strengths. Isn't that true about each of us? That does not diminish the impact he had on the lives of those who knew him.

If anything it makes it even more impressive.

*For those who are interested, here are the lyrics to both songs that I shared. I think there is a powerful message in both of them.

Fearless – by Pandorum

Walking in a straight line

Don’t give up tonight

And all your fears combined

There’s no need to hide

Don’t you run away

You will find your way

Deep inside

And I will fight for you

If you want me to

Tonight

Then a light brightens up the dark

And gives you the hope

To fight again

And you won’t stand

On your own

Just take a breath within

You’re not alone

You are not alone

You are not alone

You are not alone anymore

One voice alone

Is one heart that’s strong

Will get you through

Two steps in front

Is three times the love

You’ll never fall

Then a light brightens up the dark

And gives you the hope

To fight again

And you won’t stand

On your own

Just take a breath within

You’re not alone

So open your eyes

Take your wings for a ride

And don’t look down

All the hurting inside

Is just pain that subsides

You can only try

We can try

We can try

Then a light brightens up the dark

And gives you the hope

To fight again

And you won’t stand

On your own

Just take a breath within

You’re not alone

Say goodbye

No more fears

You feel inside

Say goodbye

You know its time

To live your life

Touch the Sky - Julie Fowlis 

(Disney/Pixar's Brave Soundtrack)

When cold wind is a calling 

And the sky is clear and bright,

Misty mountains sing and beckon me 

Lead me out into the night. 

I will ride, I will fly

Chase the wind and touch the sky. 

I will fly, chase the wind and touch the sky. 

Where dark roots hide secrets

And mountains are fierce and bold. 

Deep waters hold reflections 

Of times lost long ago. 

I will hear their e’ry story 

Take hold of my own dreams

Be as strong as the seas are stormy, 

And proud as an eagle’s scream.

I will ride, I will fly

Chase the wind and touch the sky. 

I will fly, chase the wind and touch the sky.